Order a cheeseburger: There are times when you've just got to order a Quarter Pounder, and that's really attractive. It shows a girl is laid-back.I'm all for this! Except that it's in the same magazine with pages and pages of tummy-firming tips and diet recipes and "eat this not that." Apparently women are supposed to look to men like they're laid-back about their eating, but God, not actually be laid-back. Also, have you ever been on a restrictive diet and then suddenly eaten a huge cheeseburger? It's... well, it's not always glamorous what happens after that.
Experts we spoke to say that you should say no when he asks you to do something you won't enjoy more often than you say yes.Wow, those must be some really fancy experts. Somehow Cosmo manages to make a page-long "The One Time to Never Tell Him Yes" article out of "when you don't want to do a thing, tell your boyfriend you don't want to do it." I mean, I totally agree, it's just... does it have to be justified in terms of love experts and secretly strengthening your bond? You goddamn well don't want to do it. That's all you need. You're a person and you get to choose things.
["8 Ways To Send Him Away Screaming"] Use baby talk... in public. Guys love being verbally castrated in front of other guys--it brings out their feminine side. While you're at it, ask him to pick up some tampons and diet iced tea for you.Guys. Real talk. If you identify as a man, then you're a man. That's not something you can accidentally lose by doing the wrong thing. It's not something someone else can take away. It will not be revoked if you forget to man around like a manly man at all times. Your manhood is safe. Fuckin' relax.
Also, I have nothing but the highest respect for a cis guy with tampons in his bathroom. That doesn't say to me that he's feminized. It says he expects visitors with uteruses and he thinks things through.
Q. My guy and I have attended lots of weddings, and he won't dance. I know he's self-conscious, but how can I get him to loosen up?
A. [after dumb "get him drunk" joke"] Many guys feel unmanly on the dance floor, so you'll need to start slow--literally. Get him to slow-dance with you one night at home, where he won't worry about a crowd watching. Put on music when you're making dinner one night. Then give him a lingering hug, start swaying, and tell him, "Hey look--you're dancing!"This is like how you teach a toddler to swim. Unfortunately, this is not how you teach an adult that it matters to you when they say "I don't want to do this." Say the guy never dances at a wedding in his entire life--what then? He's not telling you not to dance. He's not making a scene out of not-dancing. Why not just let him be his undancing self? Unfortunately, the secret theme of this month's Cosmo is "people don't get to make choices just because they choose to."
Q. How do I let a new guy who I'm seeing know up front that I am looking for a relationship without freaking him out?
A. Well, if you say, "I'm looking for something serious" on the first date (or even the second), you'll probably never set eyes on him again, because even men who are looking for a committed relationship will think you're superclingy. [...] If you usually sleep with men after just one or two dates, stop. [...] Generally men put you in the just-a-hookup category if you give it up early.So... the way to tell a guy that I want a serious relationship with him and I want to sleep with him is to tell him exactly the opposite at every opportunity. Boy, that's a solid foundation for a long-term relationship. You know, once you're past the "I have to have her, she misrepresents herself like a lady" stage, eventually you're going to have to start having relationship negotiations in forward-language, and isn't it sort of scary to commit to a relationship with no idea whether the two of you are capable of that?
And there's a deep sadness in the message, "You have to hide your true intentions from your date, because he'd be disgusted if he knew how needy and horny you really are on the inside. Your pathetic human needs are secret shames to bury deeply."
...For some reason I can't stop reading that in the voice of Pinhead.
"My ex was really into having me wear his clothes in bed--button-downs, tee shirts, boxers, that kind of thing. But one evening, he rolled over and said he had always fantasized about me wearing his jockstrap. Yeah, we didn't last much longer after that."There's nothing wrong with breaking up with someone because you're uncomfortable with their fetishes. But the smug, forgone-conclusion tone of this story (like all the other ones in this article--it's full of guys with harmless fetishes and girls going "ewww freeeak") makes me sad. Like he should've known better than to even ask, because obviously no woman would wear a jockstrap for him.
I would. I wear men's clothes pretty much exclusively these days, and although boxer-briefs are more my style, I'd totally wear a jockstrap in bed. Women who are able and willing to indulge various fetishes, who have fetishes of our own, exist. Telling guys that they're gross for ever asking anyone to play along with their fetishes isn't just cruel, it's flat-out wrong.
It also encourages guys to not ask at all. If all women are sure to laugh you out of town if you ask "can I lick your armpit?" (another one in the article), and you don't want to live your whole life without ever tasting armpit, the only apparent solution is to pressure, trick, or outright force a woman to go along with it.
One of my core beliefs is that spreading the word that women sometimes do want sex is crucial to explaining why it's important to respect when women don't want sex. If you think women always just tolerate sex, then forcing them to tolerate it doesn't seem like such a big deal. And if you think women never really want to indulge fetishes, why would "no, I don't want to indulge your fetishes" slow you down?
[When you go skinny-dipping with a guy] "Forget" to bring a towel for him. He'll just have to stay naked a little longer.That'll be one awkward walk back to the parking lot.