Saturday, August 7, 2010

Menstrual Miracle!

Holy shit, I got my period!

Why "holy shit"? Because I haven't had a period since April... 2008. They just stopped. I realize I should have gone to the doctor with "holy shit my ladyparts are broken" about two years ago, but, you know, why question a good thing? I just made sure to keep up on pregnancy tests and enjoyed it. (Thus adding "never has a period" to the hair-trigger vaginal orgasms and Etch-a-Sketch skin among reasons my physiology is clearly some sort of experiment by clandestine male-chauvinist biologists.)

And then this. For no reason, I just got a completely normal period! Jesus Christ, I'm a woman! I have a uterus and hormones! I'm possibly even fertile! It's amazing!

...Okay, this is really gross and uncomfortable. I get the picture, body, you're a woman, how lovely for you. Let's do this again in another two years.


  1. LOL! Your last paragraph made me laugh (wryly)...there are some things about being female that are just plain odd sometimes for sure (and some that are really fucking cool).

    But holy shit...a spontaneously disappearing period? I'm envious. I have to make mine go away with my birth control method, and I love not having to bother/be inconvenienced. And think of the money saved not buying "feminine products!" :)

  2. A higher testosteron level would explain the missing period. It would also raise your libido.

  3. If I exercise a lot (think three hours a night, six nights a week-- I was on a sports team and what was amazing was despite all that practice I didn't get any better), my period slows to about once every six weeks.

    Although one time when I was mostly sedentary it just stopped for four months, and then started up again. Fucking weird. I really want to make it happen again.

  4. Higher testosterone levels do not mean that you will have a higher sex drive - for men or women.

    There aren't studies that find strong evidence that testosterone levels are strongly correlated (correlation, not causation) with any type of mood or behavior change in men. Besides testosterone levels fluctuate in men over time.

    For women having too much testosterone is the symptom of a disorder called polycystic ovary syndrome. Another of the symptoms is irregular periods - so if you haven't been checked out for that Holly, you might want to talk to your doctor about it.

    Okay, I'm done sounding like the class know-it-all but it's kinda a pet peeve of mine. Hormones are good - but having MORE of them is not. :-P

  5. I would like to point out at this juncture that I have a high-pitched voice, very little body hair, expected-size clitoris, smooth skin, and a general lack of masculinized physical traits. So I don't think my testosterone is so mega-high.

  6. Aww, dammit. Holly's a man.

    Fuck. So much for getting free drinks in bars by telling war stories.

    At least, the kind of bars I usually go to...


  7. I chemically stop my periods because they put me in the hospital. No thank you!

  8. Polycystic ovarian syndrome is worth considering, but if there's no stray body hair that's probably not what's going on.

    The libido hormone for me is progesterone. But this is apparently a fairly unusual response: and no wonder, because it means I'm most horny when least fertile, and too grouchy for words when fertile. Not a trait that enhances one's chance of passing on one's genes!

  9. MaryKaye - I really have no idea when I'm most or least horny. It seems like a pretty steady state for me, or more affected by life factors than internal ones.

  10. Yeah, you might want to get that checked out. A friend of a friend had her periods stop for months. She finally got it checked out and it turned out to be ovarian cancer. Not saying that's what you have, just that it's probably better to know for sure.

  11. FWIW, in my teens through mid-20's I had crazy irregular periods, and it was not an issue of low body fat or over-exercise. Months and months would go by, and occasionally when I had one it lasted a scarily long time. It gradually straightened out to clockwork in my 30's. I was worried I'd be infertile, but no. It's worth talking to the gyno about it while you're there, but all they ever offered me was birth control pills to basically fake a regular cycle.