Sunday, October 11, 2009

A quiet Sunday afternoon on craigslist.

Looking for crazy on craigslist is like looking for D&D players at a fetish convention. Of all the easy targets, this is the easiest, and I know it. But it's still amusing. (Shout-out to the You Suck at Craigslist person, who does this every day.)

i want a baby - w4m
lookin for a black man only please that want to have a baby right now

I wonder if there's a document you can sign that's the equivalent of a pre-nup but for child support.

And hepatitis treatment.

And the baby's hepatitis treatment.

I want you to frisk me and make it hot.
I don't know if it's an unusual euphemism or if she got really turned on at a traffic stop once and wants to recapture the magic.

We're the slut trainers, for lack of a better name.
We consist of five Black men, all well-endowed, all drug and disease-free, and all easy-going, well-mannered people.
Put simply, we're looking for willing women who want to explore themselves and let out their inner freak/slut/whore, or whatever you want to call it.
Basically, we're providing a service, for free. We provide you with a clean, safe environment and the space with which to enjoy and explore yourself, us and the deepest recesses of your sexuality and some perversions you probably wouldn't admit to your closest friends.

This ad went on for about four pages detailing their "service" (they will have sex with you) in great and unsettlingly professional detail. This isn't a bunch of horny guys, this is a serious organization dedicated to bettering humanity. I don't know if I want to fuck them, but I feel like I should at least send a donation.

I'm looking for a woman who loves showing it off in her tight and shiny spandex. Do you have a great ass that deserves to be noticed. Big tits that stretch your Lycra top. Do you love the feel of wearing painted on leggings with cute little hiking boots and a short jacket. The perfect look on a cool fall day. Want to walk around Green lake holding the arm of a tall handsome Daddy.
Please fulfill my fetish for free. My extremely specific fetish. In public, in one of the most heavily foot-trafficked areas of the city.

you--- still got your need of NSA relations...not in a trailer park or nursing home....
It's good to have standards.

36 year Italian seeks Asian or Younger
Asian, or younger. The logic here is blowing my mind.

'm looking for a BBW who feels like talking dirty and cumming nice and hard over the PHONE with a strange guy ASAP.
If it's on the phone, why do you need a BBW? Can't get enough of that thick curvy, um, voice?

I NEED HEA?????? - m4m
You need what?

I am 22 years old and with very much sexiness all around my sexy figure I want a man who can be my soul mate!
There's very much realness all around this real woman, I can tell.

hey i want to have a baby no strings attached at all if you want to help out email me i am a bbw
This is a different person from the first posting. Well, sperm banks are pretty expensive.

(I wonder if these people realize you don't generally get pregnant from having sex once? Even if you're timing it carefully--and I bet you anything they're not--a one-shot encounter really isn't that likely to produce a baby.)

I can trade or barter for house cleaning, repairs, cleaning, cooking, I am a jack of many trades. Contact me with what you are looking for and like to find like minded woman or CPLs.
So it's like prostitution, except instead of money, I get this guy sweeping my porch? What a... great deal.

There are always a few people on "casual encounters" who didn't get the subtext and post painfully earnest personal ads about how they like dogs and long walks and want to take it slow with someone who has a spiritual side and values family. I always feel bad for those people.


  1. More of a challenge would be finding the good ads in /cas/. I propose that you visit miscellaneous cities' /cas/ sites and pick out winners instead of losers.

  2. Bruno - Miscellaneous? These are all from Seattle. I didn't even have to hit "next page."

    But honestly, it's hard to say what makes a great /cas/ ad because the uncraziest thing you can do is just be simple and direct, post a picture that isn't disgusting, and get on with your life. /cas/ ads with more than two or three lines of "hey, I wanna fuck, let's be safe and stuff, email me" always come off kind of weird no matter how well written.

  3. I didn't want to create any suspicion that "good" ads you commented on might be ads you were responding to, so I thought reviewing other cities' ads would be more appropriate. Also, I suspect that different cities get different types of ads, and I wanted to encourage you to explore that possibility (e.g., on the first page of local w4m /cas/ ads, there isn't a single mention of pregnancy).

  4. I haven't ever seen any "I want a baby" ads in my local "/cas/", but plenty of "If you want a baby I will be happy to donate sperm the old-fashioned way and then never see you again". As well as the occasional "What is wrong with those freaks?!" in rants & raves. Also, either about 90% of w4m ads are obvious spambots, or else local women aren't good at passing the Turing test. (And that's just he ones I've seen - most of the ones near top of the list say they've been flagged and removed.)

  5. Bruno - I never respond to ads. I only place them and I haven't done that in some months since having a string of creepy experiences and finding better outlets for my voracious vagina.

    Not Me - I don't even read Rants & Raves, in Seattle at least it's nothing but completely incoherent schizophrenic word salad.

    Real women get flagged a ton, either by skeptics or just by jerks.

    The robot percentage is definitely high, though. You can tell by the way-too-cute girls who say things like "I am sexy and FEMALETRAIT2 and like having fun," it's not hard.

  6. "I wonder if there's a document you can sign that's the equivalent of a pre-nup but for child support."

    I have no idea why I felt the need to answer this. Maybe providing random trivia over the Internet is my kink?

    To answer your question, it is firmly established in US case law that it is impossible to sign away a child's rights to support from two parents.
    There have even been court cases trying to extract child support from sperm donors that have gone pretty far.