Saturday, November 22, 2008

Oh god not again.

I'm getting desperate. Tonight's attempted fuck managed to actually be fucking me when he had his crisis of conscience. It was literally "oh yeah, oh yeah, mmm... oh god what am I doing I can't do this." Which, along with the fact that he talked about his specific psychological hangups in some detail, makes me fairly confident it wasn't an appearance thing, which is good I guess but doesn't make me any more laid.

It was something along the lines of "I'm a nice guy, so I don't do things like this, but I want to be so aggressive, but that's not me, but I just have these urges when I'm by myself but with you actually here it's different because I don't know if I want to actually act out my fantasies," which I actually do sympathize with and I tried to talk over with him, but... ergh, I'm not a traveling psychologist. And if I were I wouldn't accept payment in the form of blue balls.

I think my ego has actually developed to the point where I can almost handle rejection. I mean, I know plenty of people find me attractive, so if some people don't, that's not a reflection on me, it's just life. Some people like Vegemite and some don't, and if a specific person isn't into Vegemite it doesn't mean that Vegemite is bad or they're making a personal attack on Vegemite.

Still, I'm slightly annoyed that he couldn't decide what he wanted first, and then arrange and initiate sex second.

I think I'm gonna try and screw Mr. Neon. We seem to like each other well enough, I'm sure I can get around the no-pheromones thing if I concentrate. "Hey, Neon, would you mind wearing another guy's undershirt on this date? Let him get kinda sweaty in it first. No, no, I'm serious..."


  1. You are officially a really decent person and all-around incredible human being and non-rapist. I know I'd stop under those conditions but I think it would drive me a bit batty. Did you talk about it enough to find out WTF was going on? It seems you did. Wow, that's disappointing. I don't think that's a question of re-negotiation or boundaries or whatever...that's someone who needs to be NOT fucking people.

  2. hmm not having much luck to bad you don't live in Brisbane :( ps I like the Vegemite touch a typical Aussie product and icon

  3. Euro - "Holly Pervocracy... non-rapist!"

    Ausall -Hey, I lived in Brisbane for a bit when I was a kid, but it's a bit late now though.

  4. What ever happend to that guy you posted about on October 16? Maybe you could see him again.

  5. How about Mr. Neon's opinion on the matter?

  6. GreenEarth - I haven't heard from him since, but y'know, maybe I will.

    Yzian - As yet, unknown. He's so reserved both physically and in conversation that I haven't found a good opening to ask/test his feelings.

    Or maybe I'm just too damn shy.

  7. this happened to me a few days ago, and i don't know why i'm oversharing on this weeks-old post, but anyways. we were switching positions and the guy kicked me out of his bed-- except his crisis of conscience involved the fact that he'd just broken up with his girlfriend.


    i'm not quite at the point you are where i'm 100% sure it wasn't an appearance thing, but ughghhguhghgh.