Saturday, November 17, 2007

"How To Swallow Cum, Even Though You Hate It!"

This is kind of insane.
Mean snarky comments on some of the weirder ones:

2. "Sharp sensation"? I've never blown someone who ejaculated Drano.
5. Yes, it would be far more comfortable to do something that will make the blowjob last five freaking hours.
8. Ewwwwwww. It does taste kind of like mucus I admit, but is "sweet mucus" really an improvement there?
18. Won't it come out my nose?
22. Good God, they're trying to make receiving blowjobs into an entire lifestyle. "Sorry, I can't have that, it's not on my blowjob diet."
36. This explains that scene in Spider-Man.
42. This is awesome.
47. Urk.
61. And if your scrotum was full of donuts, this would make sense!
63. No one tell Jon about this one. He likes to do this kind of shit. I mean, I like it, but still. He doesn't need more ideas on how to push my gag reflex.
77. And while you're at it, try not to get any semen down your duct of Bellini! It's a bitch to clean it out of there.
82. Semen is alkaline because the vagina is acidic. (Ladies: if you find yourself fizzing after sex, this is why.) It has to be or babies would not get conceived. So no, "bleachiness" is not possibly something you can correct. It's a feature, not a bug!
97. URK.

Anyway, I never really needed a special diet or technique, because I'm not high-maintainence and prissy and disgusted by healthy human biology just pretty laid-back about it. The only goofy thing I tend to do is kiss him right after. Because I like my boys to be unprissy as well.

Sex is like camping--it's a lot more fun if you don't care how dirty it gets. No one likes that one girl who puts makeup on in the tent and whines when there's no place to plug in her hair straightener.

10 comments:

  1. I had a friend one time who told me, "Sex reminds me of what it was like to be a kid."

    I said, "Excuse me?"

    "You know, jumping in puddles, making mud pies, running around in the rain, getting dirty and wet."

    EXACTLY! Good sex is messy sex. I still haven't found a dude who will eat his cum out of me though.

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  2. Um...I just think if you don't like it don't do it?

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  3. This is what happens when the same people that are synergizing their optimal life plan get hold of sex.

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  4. TBK - I've found dudes who will eat it off my skin or out of my mouth, but what you are implying is... madness.

    Dorkie - Don't be silly, if I don't swallow he'll hate me, but if I wince and gulp and demand he change his diet and generally act like his body is disgusting, he'll love me!

    Labrat - Aye. Also I detect a lot of distinctly armchair (and covertly cross-gender) advice on that list. "Here's what I think a blowjob would be like and how you would improve such a thing. I'm not ignorant, I did the required reading!"

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  5. Yeah, the lesson of actual sexual activity is "no plan survives first contact with the enemy". With one important word replacement, unless your sex life is kind of emotionally conflicted.

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  6. A very different sort of list: http://community.livejournal.com/sextips/8336238.html

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  7. Bruno - linky no worky. And when corrected to HTML, linky just go to random boring post about drug sex. Fix linky?

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  8. Bruno amused by drug-sex post. Bruno sorry King Holly not like drug-sex post. Bruno go back in cell, practice grovel for King Holly.

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  9. Oh. Sorry. I got confused by the word "list."

    But it's still boring. King Holly will now use rude emoticon on you.

    :p

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